True peace is not found in the absence of difficulty. True peace is found in the journey of total surrender. How I wish that this journey was easier than it is.
I consider myself a person who likes structure and in a way control. I like to ponder, plan and execute tasks with excellence. I want that which is stamped with my name to reflect truth, integrity and excellence. I don’t like surprises or change. I will, however, do what needs to be done, even if I disagree with the method, as long as the outcome produces.
In 2019, I have found myself surrounded by the one constant I dislike – change! I feel out of my depth as if I am caught in a series of swells in the ocean. I know there is ground somewhere under my feet, but I cannot feel it.
Reality hits often, that my new normal is in swells of change. I tried to fight it; I became tired. I tried to find ground under my feet; I became anxious. I tried to blame the people who threw me into this ocean of uncertainty; I began to sink from wasting my energy on anger. I felt like I was thrashing around and swallowing water, instead of treading it.
So my journey of surrender begins. I do not deny the presence of the situations and uncertainty. It’s not that I am running with open arms yet and embracing it. I am determined though to pursue a peace for my soul. As I have started this journey, I have faced the truth that I need to get out of my own control.
David got it right as when he wrote, “O Lord my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high” (Psalm. 131:1). David was the most powerful person in that nation and culture at the time. People would have treated him like a god. He dealt with so many situations, bringing solutions, yet he would keep his heart in a state of total surrender before God. He knew he had responsibility – but ultimately he knew he was not in charge of his or the nations’ fate.
I looked at this verse in the Psalms and realised I had said in my heart and mind that it’s all up to me. If anything is going to happen, I’ve got to be the one to do it and make it work. I was fighting the process of surrender.
The principle learned from David is this: if I want to have a calm, quiet soul, I have to recognise I am not in control. This is the first step in my journey of total surrender – the fundamental realisation that my lack of rest and peace is not in the uncertainties but in me wanting more control out of fear.
Change is constant and certain. Nothing else is guaranteed. Only God can give me a sure outcome and true peace. As I go back to this truth -“only God can” and surrender the control I forced into place in my life – a peace which passes understanding floods my soul once again.
Quietness and rest are found not in control but in surrender. Isaiah wrote this God-inspired surrender key: “Only in returning to Me and resting in Me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence are your strength”. – Isaiah 30:15 (NLT)
I am yielding my ambitions, dreams and desires to God. I am going to “swim” when He says swim and learn to float in those swells knowing He won’t let me sink.
My journey to total surrender is one of learning to trust.
Learning to trust takes experience. Learning to trust takes repetition. Learning to trust takes patience. Learning to trust takes failing, challenges, trials and tests.. Learning to trust takes risking – following God in the face of my fear. Learning to trust takes time – lots of it. Thankfully God is patient and knows how to grow trust.
So what am I doing in this growth process: I am putting more faith in what I DO know about God than in what I DON’T know about the future!
2019 it my year to ride those waves of change!
From my heart to yours ~Truly Tazz