It’s me a.k.a. – you. I wanted to write to you because I feel like you freak out (quietly) and you just need to chill. You WILL get married (I’m writing this from your future) – after dating for what feels like an eternity. But don’t worry, it will be worth all the days apart from your special guy. It will be worth the long, lonely nights and extremely high cellphone bills.
I want to address a few things I think you need to hear…so listen carefully:
- You haven’t had a gazillion boyfriends (in fact you haven’t really dated) and that is OKAY! It does not mean that there is something wrong with you, with your standards and your ultimate dream of keeping your heart intact for the man you’re going to marry. Your lack of dating experience doesn’t make you weird or less worthy of waiting for the right person. It doesn’t worry your future husband and in fact it is one of the things that really caught his eye about you. He loves that you will never compare him to anyone else. Waiting did NOT take away from your relationship, in fact it helps you in the long run be able to love your husband so deeply without reserve or fear based on a previous negative experience.
- You really need to chill, you’re only 20. Why you would question if your standards are too high is beyond me. I cannot emphasise this enough, when you get married it will be FOREVER. So enjoy life until that day. You do end up learning so much about yourself and sometimes people think you’re small minded when in fact you’re just REALLY SURE of what you do/don’t want and like. Don’t change that for anyone. Spoiler alert: you meet this guy a.k.a. future husband, later this year. It takes like 7 years until you get to walk down the aisle – but this long journey makes your relationship unique and strong.
- STOP referring to yourself as too fat or too thin or whatever stupid thing someone drills into your head. Their perception of what you should or shouldn’t look like is not YOUR concern. You miss out on a few things if you let this consume you. You’ll regret not living it up and loving life to the fullest if you let what others say determine your worth. You definitely struggle with this but when you find freedom from what people say, it’s going to be amazing. You will face those who label you rebellious and stubborn because you discover the beauty of making decisions on your own that make you happy – let it go. They don’t stay upset with you for long.
- Those people that hurt you – and said you were not worth loving, they move on and so should you. Don’t hold on to those bad memories and emotions. Your future hubby definitely loves you through this area and helps you move on. So he’s definitely a keeper.
- You are COMPLETE and WHOLE on your own. Learn it. Do it. Be it. You will never find completeness/wholeness/fulfilment in another person. These things all come when YOU discover your potential and worth. They come when you love yourself enough to know both your strengths and weaknesses. Your husband is not your “missing piece” and neither are you his. You are both the perfect complement to each others’ lives. You will lead each other forward, lift each other up and your individual strengths is exactly what breathes life, love and strength into your marriage.
- You are not alone and lonely. Don’t confuse them – they are two different things. You might feel lonely but you are never alone. Sometimes you’ll be alone but not lonely. Learn to know the difference and what to do in each season.
- Around the time you turn 26, you really become yourself. This creates some tensions with people. They will offer you unsolicited advice – smile, nod and wave. Some of the advice put in file 13 (the trash) and the other stuff store it until you can draw from it. Whatever you do, DO NOT compromise. BE confident, bold and beautiful in your own way. You are worthy of extraordinary love, because I know you have plenty to give.
- You learn to enjoy your life. You build an amazing 10 year career in teaching. You have few friends, but those who are in your life are real. You get to go on missionary trips, upper Africa really catches your heart. You do amazing things while waiting for things to fall into place with your relationship.
- Don’t give up on the tough days. You really do enjoy dancing it out in your flat on your bed when it gets tough. Just be careful of the fan…you repeatedly hit the fan with your hands.
- You live alone from when you are 18 and this is probably the best thing that happens to you…even though you’re on the same property as your family. You learn to find the quiet and you learn to love the silence. It is important that you do this as you will need to use this skill when things get tough, especially the first 2.5 years of marriage.
- Lastly, you make an AMAZING wife. You love your husband fully and without reserve. You pull out the best in him. You won’t always like him but you will always love him. Remember that you still matter as an individual when you get married. It might feel like you lose yourself. You soon find a stronger, wiser and more amazing version of yourself.
You are brave. You are strong. You are beautiful.
Now go live your dream life…because it does happen for you.
Future (FINALLY married) Taryn