This weekend I had a “He restores my soul” encounter. The Father’s heart towards me is one of an unashamed, unreserved and unrestrained love. What I experienced this weekend was the very thing I’ve been longing for (and in some moments I complained about it #transparency).
I have been feeling so insecure, so weary in so many areas of my life. I’ve been holding onto a particular area where I was hurt and was slowly building a wall around my wounded heart. Instead of dealing with the hurt – I’ve just been covering it up. As much as I know that letting things go is sometimes the best thing to do – it’s not always the easiest. I was keeping the hurt alive by not dealing with it and letting it go and trusting God to heal my heart.
I’m one of those people who want all questions answered but I will also settle for the person owning the mistake. It really takes a lot to push me to that final straw. But I’ve been feeling like I’ve been in that place of “hanging on by a thread” for months now. Feeling this way has just been sapping me of my joy and strength. It was consuming my thoughts day and night. I was even feeling like I’m this horrible person for feeling this way and felt like God wasn’t hearing my hearts cry. I was probably not listening to Him because I was so caught up in my pity party.
I took a chance this weekend but my actions were intentional. I went to let Him restore my soul. I went to a place where no one knew me. I went to lay it all out before God. I at first felt afraid to be transparent. But as I surrendered my heart to His love…God more than met me half way. It felt like He reached down and embraced me. Instead of feeling guilt and shame over how my heart was, I felt this relief as I lay it all out before Him. I cried. I laughed. I sang. I danced. I sat and listened to Him speaking to me as the ministry happened. I felt set up. Like the Word being ministered was just for me – and it was!
As the worship team sang, God got my attention with the one line: Your love is proud to be seen with me. Wow! The tears ran like rivers down my cheeks. I didn’t even bother to wipe them away. I didn’t bother how I looked to others around me. I just let God take my heart and heal it.
God isn’t embarrassed by my failure. God isn’t embarrassed by my situation. God isn’t embarrassed by my insecurities. God isn’t embarrassed by the fact that I lost it this week. God isn’t embarrassed by my hurt. God isn’t embarrassed to lavish His love on me even when I feel like I’m not worthy. God’s love is PROUD to be seen with me, to embrace my life – even the parts I feel are ugly. God loves even the ugly part of me. God loves YOU in the same way.
I had been running away from the person whose love was my solution because I wasn’t “perfect or together” enough. The freedom I found as I was emerced in His perfect love has washed away all the fear, doubt and hurt that once bound my heart.
Don’t be afraid to let God see and touch the parts of your heart that are hurt, scared, insecure or ugly. His love is bigger than anything you can put before Him. When you let God heal your heart – He does it to the point that it is restored.
I know that over the next few months there will be moments where I will have to choose whether to keep my heart surrendered to His love or expose my heart once again to the hurt, fear, insecurity and other negative things. I have the choice to forgive and release. God will give me the grace and strength but it is my choice what I allow myself to think and follow.
If you are in a place where you need to let your heart be made whole, I want to encourage you to lay it all out before God. His love is stronger and bigger than what your holding on to. Let God heal your heart to the place of restoration.
Let God’s love make your heart whole again.
Keep living with passion, courage and boldness.
From my heart to yours