Today was not one of those jolly, sunshine days. Oh, my face was smiling, my heart was not. Over the course of the last few years, I have learnt to deal with the issues that are thrown into situations in life by being real. I long ago abandoned trying to do the whole “fake it until you make it” facade. This does not mean that I turn into the Grinch. I just make a choice. I choose to press on but also to deal with my feelings, stress factors and not ignore and go on like nothing is happening. It gets too tiring.
My sleep has been quite interrupted lately. This just brings on waves of anxiety. The one that feels as if something heavy lies on my chest and closes my throat. This feeling makes crying feel more like choking. Sleep has not been a great friend of mind of late.
Bedtime had become somewhat of a tedious chore. I can avoid my bedroom pretty well – I read, get busy on my iPad…pretty much anything that distracts me from sleep. One night (which turned into a day) I didn’t sleep for about 36 hours or more…and was so anxious. I was up and down the house. Everything started to bug me – I started to clean stuff at 3am, making sure I didn’t wake Jeremy up from his deep and delightful sleep. I eventually texted him to say I had fed the dog and was now going to try sleep in the spare room. This was at 6:30am on a Sunday morning.
Jeremy rushed into the spare room and half stared at me out of pity and the other half out of irritation…and pulled off the blanket and said, “Come lie next to me.”
I reluctantly went to lie in our bed. Jeremy wasted no time in wrapping me up in his arms…and whispered the words, “I got you”, into my ear. I lost it. I sobbed. He didn’t judge or make a scene, now, he just loved me. I cried for and about many things. But it ended up with me laughing so hard my sides hurt – Jeremy has this wonderful ability to help me see things from a different perspective.
I needed to see myself in perspective…the situation and all the happenings in perspective. I am learning what is an actual mountain vs being a molehill…both can look scary if I’m lying down on the floor and both can just look like two heeps of sand from above. It’s all about my perspective. The best thing when in a rut is to ask someone who has a different perspective to tell you what they see.
Sometimes I feel so brave, like I can conquer whatever it is that comes my way. Other times I freak out and fall apart. Depression and anxiety are real emotions and issues but this doesn’t mean they are truth in my reality.
Jeremy always tells me how strong and brave I am. When I read the Word – it says I am to be brave, bold and courageous!
Joshua 1:9 – “Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
I choose to work through my emotions by not ignoring them…and being honest enough to know when to put an end to how I am feeling. To be courageous enough to take that next step and brave enough to get up and try again.
Being brave isn’t about being plastic and fake. It’s about being real and really dealing with an issue. Sometimes dealing with it is by talking or whatever outlet you have and sometimes it also means knowing when to shut that feeling down.
I take courage in knowing I am brave, not because of who I am, but because of who Jesus is to me and what He has done and is doing in and through me.
Don’t let things you’re going through get on top of you and weigh you down. If you’re facing fear, anxiety or feelings of being overwhelmed – take a step back. Change your perspective and take a look at it from another angle – don’t always let your focus be on the negatives. Remember you are NOT alone. There are people in your life who care – reach out. Most importantly, Jesus cares for you and is always there for you…speak to Him, love on Him and let Him love you. His grace and love are life changing!
Enjoy the rest of this week. Live life boldly and with passion!
From my heart to yours