It’s been 7 weeks since I got married. I love my life and all that comes with it. I was under the illusion that the biggest change in my life would be my marriage. (Insert laugh here). You know…the big changes would be I have to learn to live in close quarters with someone, communicate and all that other stuff. While adjusting to the move and married life have been huge changes, it’s not the biggest change I have been through or am facing.
The biggest change is the one that stares at me in the mirror every morning. Not many people are open enough to share the growing phases that they face. I mean, who really says “I’m struggling”, when asked how they’re doing? Who really shares the emotions and thoughts. Some people make it so “super spiritual” that it makes us mere mortals feel bad that we can’t keep it together!!
Well truth be told, I have struggled…so very much. My struggles and fears have been:
*I would change so much that I wouldn’t be myself.
*I would miss out on my dreams because my life has shifted.
*What if I fail?
*Why can’t I keep it together? Why the tears or no tears or whatever the emotion is I felt at the time and the guilt I feel for feeling or for not feeling a certain way.
(This is the part where I give a shout out to my hubby: I am so thankful that my husband is a truly patient and compassionate person. I drive myself a tad crazy at times but he truly has the grace to talk to me and just love me.)
Too often I allow myself to spend time thinking about what someone has said to me instead of meditating on what the truth of God’s Word is about me and the situation that I am facing is. You see, just because someone went through a certain situation and had a certain experience does not mean that it is the pattern and set way. Yes, there might be something that I can learn from their experience BUT it’s not the full stop in my life. It is not the determining factor for what the outcome of my situation will be.
God began to minister to me this recently about His L.O.V.E. How often do I fight to understand and to be heard and in doing so become frustrated!?! God brought me to a place where I was still. He began to love on me and said to me, “How much will you let Me love you?” What did I have to lose…nothing BUT I had a whole lot to gain! I was about to have a love encounter with the Creator and Source of true and very real love!!
The tears just began to flow. I had tried to carry what I thought was mine to do, become and figure out. I tried to figure out the details. I tried to understand the newness and the uncertainties. I tried to plan a way. All I ended up doing was being frustrated, tired and hurt.
For God to let go of what’s in His hand, I had to let go of what’s in mine.
There was no major goose-bumps or music. It was just me and God (and me doing my dirty dishes). As I just let God love me and let go of all the things I thought I could “fix or figure out”, I began to feel a peace. A peace that brought with it a stillness and a fullness. I stopped feeling frantic and anxious.
In fact, for the first time in a long time, I am able to look at the season I’m in and smile. It’s not a life sentence but a period of time that will end. It is a time for me to experience what God wants me to in its fullness and glean truths from the Word that I will only discover in this period I’m in. It’s time for me to get real with God. I no longer hear and feel confusion. I can hear God telling me, “I got you”. The noise of the raging storm inside has been stilled by the peace which comes from the only source of true love…Jesus!
I understand that I have a daily choice to trust and live by faith. I have a choice to declare a Word from God into my situation. I have a choice to have a daily love encounter with my Creator.
Don’t be afraid to lay it all out before God! Get real with God, be transparent…He is real and wants to be real with you. Don’t be afraid of letting yourself be still. We are too used to the fast pace of life. God’s not interested in how quick we live or achieve. God is interest in YOU and ME! He is interested in loving us and speaking to us. He is interested in getting to you, and meeting your needs. Stop running away from Him and His touch. Don’t let a day go by where you you miss out on a love encounter with a loving God. Remember: YOU are a LOVE child of a LOVING God.